September

The month which marks the start of hell year.

I’m panicking, stressing out -because clearly I am not prepared. Mock exams are in four months and why am I still here on the Internet????????????????????

There are some bright sides that I have to remind myself regularly, or else I’ll end up in a muddle made from my own stressed tears.

  • graduation is in 10 months
  • less than a 100 days to a camp I am looking forward to since the beginning of the year

Alright, it seems I only have two things to look forward to on my new academic year. Honestly I am quite excited that I am finally a senior, but I know it’s going to be very tough and I’m going to face so much pressure.

dem meme 2

Not really a new year but it’s my new academic year where resolutions are more effective (hopefully).

  • cut down on social media and messaging
    I downloaded this app called Forest which lets you grow a tree for every time you don’t use your phone and an extension which blocks websites for a given time. Hopefully they help me to be discipline especially on time management!
  • study those subjects that I never like
    Yes, Abigail. Pick up that chemistry book of yours.
  • pack my bag and get my outfit ready
    This includes the night before church because I tend to forget a thing or two.
  • fill that notebook (and that planner my school gave)
    Apparently my school enforced the rules and does not allow us students to bring our mobile phone anymore. So my tasks and whatever now has to be written on paper.dem meme 3
  • pick up on devotion again
    No more slacking off in God’s Word this time round.
  • log in what I eat
    Because senior year won’t be a healthy year and I am going to change that. Time to count those calories again.this smiling sloth
  • get enough sleep
    Stop slothing around.

Probably this is about all. I would obviously break the rules I set here and there, but I hope I won’t just give up despite whatever. Here’s to senior year. May the odds be ever in my favour.

pepe

sorry not sorry for the memes

Advertisements

more than chubby

A poem about myself when I lost 8-10kg during my early teenage years and what it has made me now.

the sufferings of an overweight
taunts and teases, calling of names
less variety of clothing; size XXL
diet advice they will always tell
rice is staple and love for burgers
coke and ice cream replace water
sports day and races -terrifying
skinny, pretty people -intimidating
no more rice, no more bread
way more greens, a little more red
half a kilogram ain’t enough
skipping meals are pretty tough
drink more water, quit that soda
go start walking, park the car far
hungry? just starve and endure
the fridge in the kitchen is a lure
skip, don’t eat, skip some more
water won’t make your tummy sore
numbers decrease and sizes drop
habit of missing meals doesn’t stop

now at least it is gladly better
you’re not thin but you’re not fatter
clothes you want you can now get
crop tops, skinny jeans -all no sweat
still sometimes you throw your rice
and meals a day you skip once or twice
skinny girls still make you inferior
being size two will make you superior
no more coke, no more sweet drinks
all these calories pretty much stink

losing weight, a rough journey for you
yet somewhat it has changed your view
judgement you once used to receive
now become the ones you tend to give
wanting to say “cut down your food”
and “losing some kilos is just as good”
stop judging, quit it, just stop thinking
it isn’t good, let them continue eating
you know their pain and suffering
why go make their poor hearts sting
weight-loss has changed you in and out
it’s now your mindset you should think about

suicide’s call

*warning: i advise that this should not be read by anyone who is facing depression and/or considering suicide. do refrain from this and seek help.

I will haunt you
In your dreams I will appear
Your empty mind I will show up

I will temp you
By making you fish for people’s guilt
By whispering that you’re not wanted

I will tell you the truth
That your happiness doesn’t matter
That they never loved you, never cared

I will question you
The point of staying in this hellhole
That why you are still here, breathing

I will show you
How to benefit yourself and not them
That you can put a stop to this madness

I can teach you
The fastest way to go to sleep
The painless style to greet death

But I will never leave you
No matter how much you want me to
I will seep, I will lurk, like spirits in the dark
I will always welcome you with open arms
Unlike the people who have the cheek
To tell you that you mean very much to them
From the bottom of my greying heart
You mean the most to me

The ‘Perfect’ Instagram Feed

Because maintaining your Instagram feed is worse than taking care of a rose bush. In the end it may look nice, but the upkeep of it is bothersome -and one wrong step is disastrous.

14081000_10210127389972176_853949888_n
@connorfranta’s Instagram aka #InstagramGoals lol

An Instagram feed is basically the photos you post on Instagram. It shows up on your profile and they are arranged in a grid, just like this screenshot on the left.

   Yes, I know. This might not make much sense to some (or probably most) people. But for top Instagrammers, having a clean and orderly feed is the way to go.

   Also, they don’t hurt one’s eyes. All these photos match each other side by side without fail. They harmonise one another so perfectly, they make me want to sob in a corner as I delete all my photos on Instagram.

   I tried having a tidy Instagram feed countless of times. I guess it must have been three years or so trying it. I posted twelve photos at a time, had deleting sprees, and even made another account. Obviously, I failed, and I found the reason why.

To have an Instagram feed that would not give you an eyesore, you usually need to have a theme. Some opt for white and minimal, where their photos are all white and bright. Some, like Connor Franta would go for dark and somewhat rather “moody”. Having a theme is key.

   The step after finding your theme is much harder because it needs discipline. You have to upload photos which suit that theme, and if a particular photo does not, your feed heads for destruction (clearly an exaggeration, but you get me). This is clearly why my own Instagram feed always end up in a mess. I can never achieve the perfect Instagram feed in the long run.

   When 2016 started, I started uploading things I genuinely wanted to display and not because they would help boost my Instagram feed. I posted more faces; my friends and me. Honestly, I gave up on photography in a way -just simply not taking it seriously for now (I’ll pick it up again once my major exams are over). I rather spend all the time with whoever I am than wasting minutes to get one good shot.

   I do admit that I still delete photos, it seems that the Instagram OCD can never get enough of me. Nonetheless I’m trying my best to make my Instagram feed my story -not just some board to display meaningless photos that are pleasing to the eye.

the honest citizen

For Malaysia’s 59th Independence Day that’s coming up on the 31st of August.

though it isn’t quite detailed
my path is written out for me
in five, ten, fifteen years time
I roughly know where I should be

for me and my future children
I know they want the finest
a fairer government, a safer place
a better education -perhaps the greatest

the road I was meant to follow
which my young self blindly agree
after all these silly prejudices
I realised, I started to see

political and social injustice
were things I was told and taught
complaints on the nation’s corruption
the rights and liberty we had fought

bit by bit we leave the grounds
our time is up, we shall not rest
foreseeing how green the grass is
and migrating is what we do best

though I love my mee rojak
and the naan from Pak Putra
Penang laksa and char kuey teow
tells me not to relocate too far

and even if my citizenship
calls me by a different name
I’ll still cheer for my birth country
on every Olympic game

despite the fact that I might leave
I promise to never go astray
return I will, to visit and indulge
Malaysia, my heart will always stay

a/n: words in italics are Malaysian food while Pak Putra is a great place to get naan and chicken tandoori

 

The Small Picture

Infancy
He stepped into the world
He was cute
He was innocent
But unaware of the life which soon will unfold
Learning to walk
Learning talk
All he had to do was to grow and to flow
Kindergarten and pre-school
Those were a breeze
Or perhaps a foreshadow
Of what he will seize

Adolescence
The first step into youth
He has already seen so much
Big fish, small fish
A hierarchy of social standing
Is all that there is
The world wasn’t as it was
People to please, people to see
All adds to worse
When people come to judge at a spree

Young adult
From high school to uni
From uni to graduation
These were the years for him
It’s either do or die
From people that judge
Now it adds to people who compete
People who are corrupt
People who are wicked
And people who destroy
All coming upon him with tonnes of assignments
As an extra burden to pull him down

Adulthood
Now he thought it ended
The life of despair
He was far from right
As it was harder
People to see
And bosses to suck up to
A workaholic he had become
For the sake of food on the table

Adulthood II
All is not that bad
He had found a lady
Settled down and had babies
It was fun and joyful
He said he was blessed
But a workhorse he still was
To support his family of 5
It brought him joy
It brought him pain
A family was tough as he had to maintain
But his kids and his wife
He would never trade for anything he could find

Old age
The autumn of life
The winter of life
They said it was the golden years
But he was retired and with no energy
By his side, his wife
As old as he is and still the joy of his life
But the years went by
In the old creaky home he had bought
All he could do
Was reminisce on the life he had
Which was dark as it was bliss
He wondered to himself
“What really is the point?”
When all he had lived for
Was for his dying bed

And now he has reached it
The final point
A poem he had written
To warn people of his life
So that many will find a purpose
And so would you

a/n: this is not written by me, but by a great friend of mine (he sent it to me personally online) hope you guys enjoy!

Fan-fictions

If it weren’t for them, I won’t be writing here today.

Fan-fictions.

Because one can never get enough from the original series. Because one wants to recreate fantasy with their favourite character. Because -gosh- there aren’t enough fan-fiction of the hottest OTP (meaning ‘one true pair’, a favourite pairing of characters in a fandom).

1205015fd5d1a40d7bbbeaf4e463fb5a

Torture can be redefined as reminiscing my fangirl days. As a new Korean-pop boy-band has just debuted two days ago, I am reminded of one boy-band which I was once very obsessed with. I won’t say much about the members, or the songs, or the commercials they were in. As what the title says, I will highlight on fan-fictions.

Yes, it is very embarrassing. Please understand and have sympathy on me as I was in my early teens. However I cannot deny the solid truth, that fan-fictions have helped me in so many ways.

  1. They gave me ideas.
    Don’t get me wrong for plagiarising them in my English essays -they are too beautifully written for me to do that. Many ideas popped into my mind in that span of time reading and writing fan-fictions. I remember researching so much as I was in the process of writing one at a time. I had tabs open from the Korean War back then to the futuristic technology years ahead. All these research, just for a fan-fiction.My favourite part of forming a story was crafting a plot twist. The art of doing it is hard to master. Thank you fan-fictions for guiding me.
  2. They pushed me to read even more.
    The books on the shelves of bookstores were starting to copy each other, especially on Dystopia. I was bored with them as endings were starting to be more and more predictable.Now many people think that fan-fictions share the same outline and I have to agree on that. Yet for this case, the fandom I was in, or the fan-fictions I chose to read (and later write) were different. They go by the name of fan-fictions because they borrowed the names from that boy-band for their characters. The plot and the characteristics of the characters vary otherwise.
  3. They helped me with my English.
    Truly they did. A free English lesson on expressions and writing excellent descriptions at the tips of my fingers. I gained bucketfuls of vocabulary, pretty much more than what I have learnt from school.
  4. They perpetuated my passion for writing.
    I never really have the guts to share what I wrote. Even my first fan-fiction took me loads of convincing from myself. When my first uploaded fan-fiction surprisingly got good feedback, I was overjoyed. It boosted my confidence, and I proceeded to write further.

I completely stopped writing fan-fictions now, I even took them down except for ones that were translated. For now, I am looking at writing in another light. Nonetheless I really want to thank EXO and the fandom. If it wasn’t for them, that seed of passion that was planted in me would never grow.