If it weren’t for them, I won’t be writing here today.


Because one can never get enough from the original series. Because one wants to recreate fantasy with their favourite character. Because -gosh- there aren’t enough fan-fiction of the hottest OTP (meaning ‘one true pair’, a favourite pairing of characters in a fandom).


Torture can be redefined as reminiscing my fangirl days. As a new Korean-pop boy-band has just debuted two days ago, I am reminded of one boy-band which I was once very obsessed with. I won’t say much about the members, or the songs, or the commercials they were in. As what the title says, I will highlight on fan-fictions.

Yes, it is very embarrassing. Please understand and have sympathy on me as I was in my early teens. However I cannot deny the solid truth, that fan-fictions have helped me in so many ways.

  1. They gave me ideas.
    Don’t get me wrong for plagiarising them in my English essays -they are too beautifully written for me to do that. Many ideas popped into my mind in that span of time reading and writing fan-fictions. I remember researching so much as I was in the process of writing one at a time. I had tabs open from the Korean War back then to the futuristic technology years ahead. All these research, just for a fan-fiction.My favourite part of forming a story was crafting a plot twist. The art of doing it is hard to master. Thank you fan-fictions for guiding me.
  2. They pushed me to read even more.
    The books on the shelves of bookstores were starting to copy each other, especially on Dystopia. I was bored with them as endings were starting to be more and more predictable.Now many people think that fan-fictions share the same outline and I have to agree on that. Yet for this case, the fandom I was in, or the fan-fictions I chose to read (and later write) were different. They go by the name of fan-fictions because they borrowed the names from that boy-band for their characters. The plot and the characteristics of the characters vary otherwise.
  3. They helped me with my English.
    Truly they did. A free English lesson on expressions and writing excellent descriptions at the tips of my fingers. I gained bucketfuls of vocabulary, pretty much more than what I have learnt from school.
  4. They perpetuated my passion for writing.
    I never really have the guts to share what I wrote. Even my first fan-fiction took me loads of convincing from myself. When my first uploaded fan-fiction surprisingly got good feedback, I was overjoyed. It boosted my confidence, and I proceeded to write further.

I completely stopped writing fan-fictions now, I even took them down except for ones that were translated. For now, I am looking at writing in another light. Nonetheless I really want to thank EXO and the fandom. If it wasn’t for them, that seed of passion that was planted in me would never grow.


of two elements that contradict

no need for a lighter
no need for matches
no need for firewood
because sparks emit every time
she snaps her fingers
a bright burning ball of amber
floats on her open palm

it was a chilly night
when the flame on her thumb was extinguished
aghast, she turned around
only to see dried leaves swirling around a boy

his paper airplane flies the furthest
whenever his hands stir
a gush of wind arrives in a sudden
as he slowly exhales
no need for fans
no need for dryers
and sometimes, no need for the sun

his face showed no emotion
but hers was masked with complete anger
little did she know that
what’s left of his parents were only ashes

he hates bright colours
for it reminds him of what that was left:
crisp, black, burnt remains
the orange blaze still dance in his eyes
if only he found out
if only he knew about his gift sooner

at the tips of her slender fingers
balls of light reappeared, illuminating
her face, which showed distress
his gaze soften, the breeze then stopped

she lives in uncertainty
she doesn’t know her where her home is
all she remembers is
a ferocious storm; a strong hurricane
despite her special gift
there was nothing that she could do

the warmth seemed like a magnet
as he inched closer towards the flames
warmth —something he really needed
after all that isolation, after all
that severance from the world
he sat across her, wanting for more

sweat trickled down her forehead
partly from the heat, partly from fear
he apologised for what he did earlier
his fingers swayed, gentle wind came
the sweating stopped but the fire stayed
she moved in closer, wanting for more

it was that chilly night
when they shared their deepest fears
reassured each other that their ability
would never hurt; would never harm
for they knew how much destruction
it has caused in each of their lives

it was that chilly night
when they realised that they
cannot change their dark past
nor the powers that they hold
the only thing that they can do
is to construct a great future
starting from the present

it was that chilly night
when they decided to
travel this prolonged journey
hand in hand


I now sit in a café
with cosy music playing in the background
people rush inside as raindrops touch the earth
the aroma of blackcurrant tea seems tempting
but I don’t want to burn my tongue

I am at a foreign place
getting used to an empty chair across me
to others, people think that I am working
but I am just jotting down my thoughts
on a rainy Friday noon

I find delight in being alone
at places like this, during times like this
where people don’t recognise my face
when my fellow friends are busy in school
so I can have all the time to myself

I don’t find joy in solitude
whenever I am surrounded by my peers
I look lost and lonely –unlike everyone else
feeling intimidated, I would try to join them
despite being uncomfortable

I am still sitting in the café
the rain stopped and the music is being
replaced by loud chatter of coffee addicts
my blackcurrant tea is down to its last drop
and my me-time is about to run out

school: a glimpse of the world

classmates become more open with each other
talking about things which they shouldn’t talk
asking things which makes some uncomfortable
inappropriateness is never occasional
it is usual

swearing is the school’s second language
teasing and verbal bullying is a norm
racist remarks from one’s lips are regular
religion is forgotten —“there is no God”
it is common

students brag about the sins they do
smoking is cool, tattoos are great
the more number of exes, the better
no more hushing on pornography
it is typical

school serves as a daily reminder that
this small world isn’t so innocent
that it is instead tainted with dark
images and grim, foul mentality

school shows me that this small world
becomes more and more self-centred
that pride comes to be a big matter
acceptance from the crowd is a need

truth is, school isn’t all about education
because aside from math and sciences
i’ve learned the horrors, i’ve learned
that school is a glimpse of the world

outside my bubble, i notice these things
i want you to know i am not provoking
here i am respecting one’s life choices
so i genuinely hope you respect mine.

naiveness of a girl

and you thought that being in a relationship
is all flowers and sunshine
is where birds sing all day
is where crickets chirp all night
and you overlooked the things like
how flowers need rain
how the crows just squawk
how rats roam free in the dark

you thought that being in a relationship
solves all problems
when it actually causes way more
you thought that bearing the responsibility
is like a piece of cake
but is actually a huge load to bear

you overlooked the fact that
people are far, far away from perfect
you forgotten the truth that
dear girl, you are not always right

but let this be a lesson
—not to show relationships are bad
(because, honestly, they aren’t)
let this be a lesson
to fix, to mend, to make yourself better
let this be a way
to learn about your stained self more

stuff i like

snacks like raisins and strawberries
food dressed with barbeque sauce
onions and pickles in my burgers
every slice of salmon belly sashimi
every colour and flavour of cotton candy

a huge soft bed, fluffy pillows
wrapping myself in a big thick blanket
sinking in bean bag chairs
listening to acoustic covers
listening to the sound of the cello

the woods, not rainforests
falling leaves and then falling snow
furry big huggable creatures
like big bears and fat pandas
like sulley from monsters inc.

cliché love stories that have:
childhood friends becoming a couple
or arch enemies who end up together
or just really cute scenarios in general

finishing a book or a movie
shopping for clothes alone
snuggling and cuddling, long hugs
very long naps during the day
very long hours up at night

doing stupid things with friends
taking ugly photos of one another
jamming/screaming out lyrics
sharing memes and inside jokes
sharing secrets and memories

writing things and snapping photos
playing songs on the piano by ear
going to airports and train stations
reminiscing at the funny bits of past
dreaming vividly about the future

the long distance runners

she wasn’t interested in running
there’s many things in her hand
she sorted her priorities
running wasn’t part of her plan

he does have a liking for running
but it was difficult –he knew
he just could not see that
his wish will come true

she wasn’t interested in running
however she answered yes
he does have a liking for running
and it became the start of success

running was never easy
running long-distance was harder
though there’s no speed limit
time couldn’t go any faster

the journey is desperately long
the finish line is horrendously far
there were pit-stops here and there
but they’re hard to reach like stars

eyes on the road, they ran
on each other and God they depend
hand in hand, no giving up
they went towards the end

and when they finally covered the distance,
they begin another new beginning.