Where is the line drawn?
I have to admit that I choose who I want to be friends with. It’s pretty silly because I believe that friendships develop over time, but then I realized that we choose whether or not we want to run miles for so and so.
There isn’t a perfect formula to boost your friend to go to the best friend level. During my early primary school years, I changed my best friend every few months or so. Currently my “best” friends include the ones who I still contact/insult ever since we were seven, and the ones whom I constantly hang out with for the past three or four years.
However there were things which I only blurt to my friends in school. I pick the ones who I want to listen to what I want to share. Perhaps it’s because this person can relate to me more, perhaps this one can give me better advice -I really do not know.
I also believe that most friendships are temporary. This could possibly the reason why I do not have many ‘BFF’s, for the ones who earn this title are the ones who have the potential to be involved in my life for the next sixty years or so.
The struggle: part I.
This does not happen all the time, but often I find myself being a fool for giving in too much. Usually I get too afraid destroying the friendship and so I let them be -even if it hurts me.
Towards the end of last year I broke down in the girls’ changing room in front of a few of my classmates. Obviously shameless of my tears, I spilled my hurts between the muffled sobs. It was about this person who I was once friends with, but occasionally, the insults thrown at me were terrible. There was a point where he talked about my private life to another person, and it was my last straw.
We had stopped being friends long before my awful breakdown. Despite that he still exclaimed an insult meant for me. In the changing room, one of my classmates told me that he was a bully. And I have to confess, even if I still feel uncomfortable saying this: although we had good, fun, and memorable times together, he is a bully.
The struggle: part II.
I am not totally triggered by being taken advantage of, but I get absolutely hurt if people cannot sacrifice as much I sacrifice for them. I don’t mind doing things for them, but how can they not give just a little bit more time and effort for me?
Like, are they really too lazy to read a 500-word post on my blog when I asked for feedback? Lolz.
Pretty upsetting and definitely hurtful. They could argue that I am being selfish for not looking at the things they have already done, but gosh, the amount of my heart and soul poured into this compared to theirs is vast.
Agreed. It’s silly of me being so calculative, but from this, I learn one thing. They view the friendship differently than I do. I can put them on the pedestal, but they do not put me in a place just as important. And that’s bitter.
I know this because I was once like that. I was self-centered, and currently, still self-centered like how many of us are. I would be lying if I said that I treasure the friendship as much as the other party did. I apologize for never giving my all if you are my friend (new or old) reading this.
So far in twenty seventeen I have not slack yet by treating these golden souls badly compared to how they treated me. Aside from that, I’m planning to repay the extra amount of effort they gave. It’s supposed to be a secret, but they’re too humble to know who they are.
To stand up for myself is something I am still trying to do. There has to be a limit, and sometimes, snipping away the knot can actually set myself free. Another thing is perhaps to not expect too much from people. Even your ‘BFF’s can’t go all out for you. Truly it is devastating, but that is how people are.
Let time mend the heart, but never be afraid to make friends.