These span of thirty-one days was a roller-coaster ride of emotions. Here’s why:
-MY PHONE SCREEN CRACKED.
And the three main buttons at the bottom of the screen (homepage, back, and app viewer) do not work anymore. This is a sign that I need a new phone.
This is a hint to my father.
–I lost a friend.
Sadly, even teenagers aged sixteen still behave like ten. We became friends (though he never acknowledges us as one) around a year ago. It is a long story, and it is too cringe-worthy to be written out. I’m not going to point fingers —I’ve grown out from that, but I’m confident to say that I’ve done my part to rebuild the shaky bond we had.
I still do keep this respect for him, just hope he does the same for me.
-The surfacing of a secret that was buried for years.
A different person now. It was shocking. It wasn’t that “OMG” surprising, it was more of an “oh”. I could not accept the truth for the first few days. I felt bad. I felt sad. I felt like those years of my life with that person was a lie. We are so close, you could say that we were BFFs (or at least, in my eyes). I’m grateful and touched that I got to know this secret, because I now know that I mean a lot to this person. Nonetheless I cannot do so much to help. All I can do is to support and pray.
Love the sinner, hate the sin.
Which I thought I’ll never say. However I said it! -though it does not affect my friend and I so much anymore. It’s like this confession has expired almost two years ago; it’s useless now. Can you decipher what this confession is? Haha.
As a follow up from the previous point; the revealing of the confidential matter had shattered my heart. Quoting from another good friend named John: “first loves die hard”, I find this fascinating as well as heartbreaking. Mind you, it’s first love, not first crush. I’ll now leave this mystery floating in the air.
-The re-realization that I need God desperately.
This entire month made me so preoccupied with studies and dealing with my emotions, I forgotten the main provider of my strength: God. This pastor in my church shared about the Widow’s Oil, 2 Kings 4:1-7.
Then he said, “Go, borrow vessels at large for yourself from all your neighbors, even empty vessels; do not get a few.” -2 Kings 4:3
Empty vessels because they have the potential to be filled. Why fill a vessel when there is already something inside of it? Just like ourselves, we have the potential to be filled with God’s amazing love, but the question is, do we have the desire?
Just a simple reminder to self to wake up and thank Him for giving me energy despite that I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. Thank Him for the remaining people I still have in my life. Thank Him for pushing me to do more everyday.
The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, And with my song I shall thank Him. -Psalms 28:7.